Augustus, my love
by TheFaultInOurHunger
Summary: Hazel Grace Lancaster has never been anything but terminal, so when her time finally comes, she's not scared or nervous, but excited. Will she be able to find Augustus? With the help of her new friend, Alaska, she can certainly try. (Cover art credit to owner, not mine)
1. Chapter 1

This is it. This is the end, I know I don't have much time left now. My lungs are being overly sucky at being lungs and now my whole body just sucks in general. I've been in and out of hospital but now they have basically told me to go home to die. I'm not in pain, I don't really feel anything. Everything seems to be happening so fast now, everyone rushing around me while I am stuck in this strange limbo, drifting in and out of conciousness. I'm not scared though. I've never really been phased by the idea of my inevitable death. If anything, I'm excited. Excited to see what's there, excited to see what everyone else can only imagine, but most of all, excited to see him. Augustus.

It's been almost a year since he died and there hasn't been a day I haven't thought about him, haven't longed for his kiss, his touch, just to hear his voice. But, like everyone though, I don't know what happens when you die, or if I will even see him. I mean no one knows what happens when you die. So I guess all I can do for now is hope that where ever he is, he's happy and where ever I end up, I'm with him.

My mother is convinced that I am going to make a miraculous recovery or something and just get better. At first I tried to tell her otherwise, to tell her that it was a stupid idea and that I was going to die no matter how many encouraging smiles or words she gave me everyday. I couldn't stand to see her so crushed though, I mean her only daughter was dying and all she could do was watch it happen. So I just smiled whenever she tried to encourage me to keep my chin up and that I was going to live.

Isaac comes quite often to visit me, he is the only person who comes and it's nice to feel like I have someone outside of my family. I try to joke with him, try to laugh when he retaliates but it's getting harder and I think he can see that (well he obviously can't see but you get the picture...) so sometimes we just sit there and appreciate each others company. I worry about Isaac, he - much like me - doesn't have anyone besides his family so when I'm gone, I don't know who will comfort him and be with him. It almost makes me feel guilty to die, not that I can help it.

At this point, ANTM is but a distant memory as I'm never awake long enough to watch a whole episode, support group ended when Augustus died, the fake ID thing never happened and every other thing I may have done or wanted to do has ceased. There are no good days any more, no days where I am fully concious and able to do things. My last 'good' day was a week ago. Isaac came round and I was actually awake.

"Hey Hazel, haven't you gotten out of bed yet?" He joked.

I laughed and shook my head at him. My curtains were still closed so I asked Isaac to open them. He walked over and opened them, letting the light spill in. It was sunny outside and probably the nicest day we had had in a while. That's when it happened. I got a sudden urge to be strong, to be free, to go outside. Usually - even before I was a corpse - I was happy to stay inside, away from everyone and everything and I still don't know if it was the cancer speaking or what but I wanted to go outside and no one was going to stop me.

"Isaac?" I said, my voice raspy and low.

"Hmmm?" He replied.

"Take me outside."

"What?"

"I want to go outside. Take me. Now."

"Ummm Hazel I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Oh come on, Isaac, I'm not going to be any sicker out there am I?"

There was a moment of silence while Isaac thought about it.

"Fine. How the hell am I going to get you down there though?" He asked.

Good question. I thought for a moment.

"Carry me."

Isaac laughed, "Yeah, good one Hazel."

"I'm serious. Carry me!"

Isaac sighed and then found his way over to my bed. I pulled the covers back and wrapped my arms around his neck while he tried to scoop me up, I had lost a lot of weight so I wasn't that heavy but there was still the problem of him not being able to see.

"Right, I am your eyes, just follow my exact instructions and we'll both make it out of this alive." I said once he had secured me in his arms.

Isaac nodded but looked very doubtful about what was about to happen.

"Okay, you just have to get me to the wheel chair at the bottom of the stairs (it's always there in case of emergencies). Okay, go forward about 5 steps and then turn right and walk 3 more steps."

Isaac did as I said and we managed to get to the top of the stairs.

"Now, here's the tricky bit, stairs. I'll say step until we get to the bottom. Okay, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, stop! That wasn't so bad. Okay just put me down here, I can get in the chair from here."

"Jesus Christ Hazel, that was probably the worst idea you have ever had in your life!" Isaac said as he gently set me on my feet.

I clung to him for support and he wrapped his arm around me to keep me up. I stumbled over to my chair and plonked myself down while Isaac fumbled around trying to attach Philip to the back of it. Just walking the few steps to the chair had made me out of breath but I was determined to get what I wanted. Isaac wheeled me to the back door and slid it open. He felt around to make sure that he wasn't going to kill me by throwing me out of the chair or something and then half lifted, half wheeled me out of the door.

"Okay, if you go forward about 3 feet there's a seat. Just leave me there and sit in the seat next to me." I ordered, a little more forcefully than I intended.

"Yes, sir." Isaac replied, smiling.

He did what I asked and felt around for the seat and sat in it.

"Thank you Isaac." I said softly, placing my hand on his arm.

"It's okay Hazel, just don't expect it every day." He joked.

I put my head back a little and soaked up the sun rays. It felt nice. It felt how it did before I was on my way out. The sky was the lightest blue and the clouds were perfectly puffy; I felt as if this day was for me. That some higher powers or whatever had done this to make me happy one last time. I thought of Augustus, wherever he is, telling 'them' to make it sunny for me. I don't know, I'm dying, I'm allowed to go a little crazy sometimes.

We spent most of the day out there, talking occasionally but not much until my mum came home and freaked.

"Hazel! What are you doing?! Why are you outside?!" she said as soon as she walked through the door.

"I wanted to go outside. I think this is it mum, my last good day, I wanted it to be a good one." I said soft;y, barely able to speak.

"Oh Hazel, don't talk like that, come on let's get you back to bed. Isaac do you need a ride home, dear?" She fussed.

"No thank you Mrs Lancaster, my mum's coming to get me in a minute. Bye Hazel, I'll see you... tomorrow?"

I nodded, smiling,

"Thank you Isaac. So much. Bye."

I waved as my mother wheeled me back in the house and carried me back up to my bed (yes, she carried me. She's had to get strong to do that 'just in case'). I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow and I don't know how long I was out but I didn't really care and this point. I dreamed. About Augustus, about Isaac, about death. They were good dreams though, all good dreams...

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**A/N - Hey! I'm Shannon and this is not my first fanfiction. It's my first Fault in Our Stars one but not my first ever. I run this account with my friend Abbie (which you will know if you have read our Hunger Games fanfic) but she has kindly agreed for me to post and write this on my own so yay for Abbie being amaze balls. So I am English and I know that some words are going to be English spellings if you are American and spell them differently, don't come whining to me about how I spelt 'Mom' like 'Mum' because I know. Wow that sounded really obnoxious. So yeah, I hope you enjoy this as it progresses and I don't think it will be that long and the chapters definitely won't be as long as this one all the time but yah, sorry to go on and enjoy! (Chapters won't be posted regularly but hopefully will be posted frequently!) **


	2. Chapter 2

"Is she still breathing?" I heard mother's hushed voice ask.

"I... don't know, I think so." My dad said.

I was awake but not awake, conscious but not conscious. I tried to move, to say something to let them know I was okay but nothing happened. This had never happened before and I began to panic. I tried to listen for my parents calm but deep breathing, as if they were trying to hold back floods behind their eyes. It was then when I heard the sound of Isaac's voice. Why was Isaac here with my parents?

"Isaac, honey, do you want us to leave the room while you do this? I know it's probably a bit awkward with us here." My mum asked him softly, almost in tears.

"Only if you don't mind, Mrs Lancaster." He replied, sounding almost as fragile.

What was happening? I heard my parents stand and shuffle out of my room and close the door behind them.

Isaac took my hand in his - I tried to squeeze it reassuringly but nothing happened - and took a deep breath.

"Hazel, I... I haven't known you as long as I wanted to and... I just... God, this is hard. What I'm trying to say is... you and Gus were the only people in the whole world I thought I truly could call friends and I am so thankful for that. Now you're... leaving, I don't know how I'll cope, but I'll find a way. For you. You don't deserve this and neither did Gus and it seems so unfair that I am the one who gets to stay when you and him were always the better people. Hazel Grace Lancaster, you have been my best friend and I promise, I will never ever forget you. So, I know that was really dorky but if this is really goodbye, then... goodbye, Hazel, it's been so amazing knowing you. Say hi to Gus for me, will ya?" he said softly, crying now.

Was I dying? I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't happen. I heard Isaac stand and walk to presumably my door. It opened and my parents stepped back into my room,

"I should go. Thank you, bye."

"Bye Isaac" My dad said, slapping his back as he left.

My parents sat back down next to my bed and I felt my mothers delicate hand hold mine. There was silence for a long time before my dad finally spoke.

"I think we should... you know... say goodbye."

"I don't want to yet. It might make her... leave." My mum whispered, an obvious lump in her throat.

"The doctor said we didn't have much time, if we don't say it now then we might never get to."

"Okay, you're right. Hazel... sweetie, it's mum and dad. We just want to say we love you... we love you very much. We are... so proud of you." Sobs erupted from my mother.

"What your mum is trying to say is... is that we... is that... oh Hazel. We just love you so much and we are so happy we got such a wonderful little girl as our daughter. We are so thankful for the short amount of time we got to spend with you. This wasn't how it was meant to go you know, you were meant to outlive us and grow old with your husband and grandchildren, you were meant to put us in a retirement home and look after us in our old age. Life has been cruel to you my darling and at least now you... at least now you can be happy, you an be at peace. Sleep tight my angel. We love you." My dad was crying now too and my mum was still sobbing in her seat. They each gave me a lingering peck on my forehead and sat back down, still crying.

It stayed like this for a while until I lost complete consciousness once again.

I don't know how long I was like that but when I 'woke up' again, I wasn't in my bedroom...

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**A/N - So this is where all the religion, non-religion, opinion and all the jazz comes into things. I would like to start by saying the following views expressed by me in this are not my opinion on what I think happens when you die and I'm making this up for your entertainment so don't hate me. Also I would to say thank you to everyone who has followed, favourited, read and reviewed , it means so much to me and I really do appreciate every one of you so thanks and enjoy!**


	3. Chapter 3

When I woke up or whatever I was in a white room with no doors or windows, nothing, just white. The brightness of the whole room was almost blinding (which I thought was strange since I didn't see any lights in the room) and I had to squint against it to sort of see. I sat up and blinked, trying to make out where I was.

"Mum?! Dad?!" I shouted into the nothingness.

I rubbed my eyes and felt that I was not wearing my cannula, not attached to Philip or any other form of oxygen providing machines and I could breathe. I took a deep breath - the first in such a long time - and I actually could. I could breathe as deeply as I pleased; I could take long and short breaths, breathe through my nose, breathe through my mouth; I COULD BREATHE! I stood up, I was wearing a summer dress, a white one that came in at my waist and out at my hips. _'If I am dead, this is such a cliché'_ I thought to myself. I looked down at my self, I had regained a figure of some sort. My stomach was tighter and the dress didn't sag or droop in weird places like all my other clothes. This is what I had wanted to look like most, if not all of my teenage life. I was wearing a black pair of converse on my feet which looked - from what I could tell - kind of good with the dress.

When I had stopped admiring myself awkwardly I began to walk forward. I did't know where I was going or if this was going to lead me anywhere at all but I kept walking (walking without Philip and being able to breathe may I add). I got so carried away with the fact that I could breathe that I quickened my pace, slowly at first and then there was almost a sense of urgency to run, for the first time since I was 13. So I ran, laughing and adding in little jumps and spins and threw my arms in the air, enjoying the unlimited supply of oxygen I now had.

"You must Hazel." I heard a voice say behind me which stopped me in my tracks.

"Uh, yeah, who- where did you come from?" I said, confused and slightly startled.

"We've been expecting you Hazel. I'm Irin"

Irin had bobbed, black hair and couldn't have been older than mid 20's. She was wearing a knee length white dress too but it was more sophisticated and classy. She was beautiful and had a kind face, I was confused but I wasn't scared, something told me I didn't have to be around her.

"Am I... dead?" I asked, the words catching in the back of my throat.

She nodded slightly, "yes, I'm afraid so."

"So what is this place?"

"Think of this as a zebra crossing from one side of the road to the other. The side of the road you were on is earth and now you're crossing over to where ever is decided for you. Don't worry though, you'll most definitely be directed somewhere good." Irin explained to me as she began leading me somewhere which just looked as if we were walking into nothing again.

"I thought there was just Heaven and Hell?" I said, the confusion clear on my face.

"Well, in a sense, there is. There are just many types of Heaven and Hell, your own personal place with people who are like you, filled with things you enjoy, we found it much easier to organise this way." She smiled at me.

"So people get categorised?"

"Something like that."

"Do I have any say in where I go?"

"Your heart and mind decides it for you. That way, you are happier."

_'Augustus.' _I thought.

"Do you get put with family or friends? There's someone I'm suppose to meet up here." I asked panicking.

"Sometimes. It all depends on how purely your want to be with them. Sometimes you think you want to be with someone but you may not."

This gave me a sliver of hope.

Irin guided me to a door, a huge black door and gestured for me to go through it.

"Can't you come with me?" I asked, shaking.

Irin shook her head and said,

"Good luck Hazel, I hope you find Gus."

"How did you-" before I could finish the question, she was gone.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. I couldn't see what was behind it, it was too dark but I stepped in anyway. The door slammed shut behind me and I just stood there in the darkness, waiting for something to happen. Without warning, it felt as if the floor had disappeared and I was falling. _'This must be what it was like to be Alice in Wonderland.' _I thought. As I 'fell' or whatever, images kept flashing through my mind. The swing set in my garden, books I had read, Gus, playing video games with Isaac, Amsterdam, kissing Gus, flowers, my bed, Gus, ANTM, AIA, holding Gus and then nothing. The floor 'reappeared' and there was another door in front of me. I guessed I had to go through it to get to wherever I was meant to be. I stepped toward the door and reached for the handle. I twisted it and opened the door slowly, closing my eyes, scared of what I was about to come face to face with. I stepped through the door, let it close behind me and opened my eyes...

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**A/N - Firstly, I would like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed, it means a lot and I do read them all. Also thank you to everyone who favourited and followed this story and has read it up to this point, you're all amazing. I hope you enjoy this chapter and don't think it's too weird or something, I tried my best haha. So yeah, enjoy the rest of the story hopefully and I'm sorry it took so long to post this!**


	4. Chapter 4

There was a field. A huge, big open field with fresh, long, green grass and a large tree in the distance. I turned around; the door which was once there was gone and there was a village or something there. I presumed I should probably go towards the village so began walking in that direction.

It was weird not needing Philip and walking without 'him' but I couldn't think about that. There was only one thing on my mind at that moment in time, _Augustus. _They village seemed far away from where I was standing before but I reached it in less than a minute. I was confused and scared but tried not to let it show, God knows what I was about to come face to face with. Everywhere I looked there were people dressed in white like I was: children running around, women chatting together, people around my age, laughing and talking. But no Augustus. I didn't know what to do. I just stood there like an idiot, looking lost and confused - which I was. My eyes darted around the place, searching for Gus but I had no such luck.

I was about to walk towards a group of ladies and ask them for help or something when a young girl, about my age ran up to me, smiling.

"You new?" she asked, grinning.

I nodded, I knew she could tell I was terrified and had no idea what I was doing.

"Your names Hazel right?"

I nodded again, "how did you-"

"Know? Oh I've been expecting you! You're my new room mate! Irin told me you would be here soon. I'm Alaska by the way, car crash. Everyone thinks I topped myself." She said, still smiling, her green eyes wide with excitement.

"Hazel, cancer. Did you?" I asked shyly.

"Did I what? Kill myself?"

I nodded.

"Ummmm... technically the accident _was_ my fault, I was drunk but I didn't plan to crash and die. But I guess it all worked out alright, I'm here now and I like to keep people guessing, it's kind of my thing." She said, a little more seriously, bringing her long brown hair to one side.

I nodded slowly in understanding. If I nodded any more I was sure my head would roll off.

"Come on, this way." Her smile was back and she grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of some wooden houses that resembled almost tree houses.

I was about to tell her that I couldn't run, that it was dangerous. Then I realised and that made me run faster and laugh like a maniac. I would have felt insecure about my obnoxious laugh but I didn't, maybe it was the fact that Alaska was laughing just as manically and loud or the fact I was dead and so we everyone else here and I didn't need to care about that stuff any more, no else did either.

"This is us." Alaska said, stopping in front of one of the tree houses on the ground

It was a deep brown wood with

'102.45

Alaska Young &amp; Hazel Lancaster'

etched on a plaque next to the double doors.

"Why are the numbers like that?" I asked, confused.

"I don't know, they just are. All of them are like that, I try not to question it any more." She said.

The house had large windows that matched the door and complemented the wood. There seemed to be one floor and a garden. The front garden was beautiful. It had flowers of all varieties and colours, from all over the world plotted around and a perfectly mowed lawn.

"Shall we?" Alaska asked.

I nodded and smiled. Alaska opened the door and we both walked in to see small hallway bit with a pegs and a shoe rack and a living room/kitchen to the right which was large and well decorated with comfy sofas and arm chairs, a breakfast bar, fancy lamps and wall lights and a huge TV on the wall facing the sofas. There was a recurring colour theme throughout the room which was beige, browns and wooden finishes. To the left was a huge library, each wall covered in as many books as there could possibly fit. There were ladders to get to the higher up selves of the enormous book cases, filled with books of all sizes, ages, colours and designs.

"Wow." Alaska murmured when she saw it.

"It's... amazing." I said straight after.

After we had stopped gaping at the library we walked down the hall a little to find and bathroom with white tiled walls, a huge mirror, a walk in shower and a giant bath tub with jets like a jacuzzi. A little further down was a bedroom with two double beds, two dark wooden wardrobes and chests of drawers that matched the two book cases and bedside tables next to the beds that had small lamps with beige shades and glass bottoms sitting on top of them. Everything down to ornaments and bed sheets matched and went together. It was beautiful and rustic and I loved it. Maybe me and Alaska were put together because we are so alike? Probably.

Alaska walked into the bedroom and looked around, inspecting it.

"Well... I have decided that I love it. Especially the library." She declared.

"I think that may be my favourite part. The book cases in here are empty though." I thought aloud.

"Probably so we can get all the books we want in them from the library so we don't have to swap everything round? I think this why we were put together."

"What?" I asked.

"Because we are so similar yet so different. I mean you had cancer and I died in a careless act that was ruled as a possible suicide. I'm guessing you had to take things slow and I lived fast and spontaneously, smoking, drinking, drugs. Different. Buuuut, we both obviously _love _to read and we're smart. Smarter than people expect. We also must have the same taste in interior design because I love this sort of thing and style and it's obvious you do too. They knew we would love it here and get on because of our similarities and differences. Simple really." She said quickly.

"Hmmm, simple." I said in agreement, smiling.

"Now which bed do you want?"

"I don't mind, I don't really have weird preferences to where I sleep like 'Oh I can't sleep by the window and I must be at least a metre and 222 centimetres away from the wall, blah blah blah.' So whatever."

Alaska smiled, "I like you, Hazel Lancaster."

I smiled back, "I like you too Alaska Young."

We laughed and then Alaska said,

"Hmmm, so if we moved this bed over next to that bed and move the table in the middle over to side of that bed then we can have a double double bed." Pointing and gesturing around the room.

"Sounds good." I said, almost giggling.

We got to work. We moved the small bedside table next to one of the beds which turned out to be mine in the end out of the way and then moved Alaska's bed - which was conveniently on wheels - up next to mine and placed the table next to it. We plugged the lamps in and made sure they worked and then moved the wardrobes and chests of drawers where we wanted them to go and it was perfect.

"Hmmmm, there's still something missing." Alaska said, looking around.

She held her hands out in front of her and a poster appeared in them.

"How did you do that?" I asked, shocked.

"Magic." She said smirking. "No, it's one of the perks of being dead, you can get anything you want. You try it. Just think about what you want and you'll get it. Maybe a poster or two? It's a bit dull in here."

I held my hands out and thought of the random posters I had in my room and one by one they appeared in my hands.

"Now that, is cool." I said smiling.

"I know, right. Comes in handy."

We began to plaster the walls in the posters, talking and laughing as we went. I had completely forgotten that I had just died, that I had just left behind my mother and father and Isaac. There was too much going on to even think about that all, I had a real girl friend, I mean there was Kaitlyn but we never saw each other and she hardly counted as a close friend. She didn't even come to say goodbye to me. Or visit me when things got bad in the hospital. But I couldn't even think about that. I was too happy. I hadn't even thought of Gus since I had been with Alaska. I was sure the memories and thoughts would all hit me like ton of bricks when I wasn't busy or had my mind on something. That's what usually happened...

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**A/N - Okay so I know I haven't posted in a million years but I have a very good excuse, I assure you. There's just been a lot of a lot going on with family stuff and personal stuff and it's been a long and hard few months. So please forgive me. I have been working on this for like 3 weeks non stop and it just took a long time to put together to flow and everything. I will explain more if it keeps being a problem. In the next chapter I promise there will be more about Gus and Alaska's stories and stuff I just thought that I had to get this updated ASAP. I also promise that I WILL update soon and not let it get this bad. So um, thank you guys so much for all your reviews and following and favouriting, it honestly means so much and makes me want to keep going, you are all amazing! Oh yeah, Alaska's here now! I wasn't going to have it like that but then I thought it would spice things up a bit and stuff, it helps with the story for me as well I think, so yeah, I hope you like that idea and don't hate me from being so late and useless! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer - I forgot this for the first 4 chapters so don't shoot me but I obviously do not own tfios and if I did, there would be a lot more Isaac and happiness!**

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It wasn't until that night when my world came crashing down on me and the memories of Gus returned. I felt so guilty for forgetting him for so long and being happy again without him. I know that sounds stupid and he would want me to be happy but now that I could be with him potentially, I had forgotten him and not even tried to find him; too swept up in the hectic whirlwind of everything. I ached for him and couldn't stand not knowing what the whole 'category, organisation' system was and how it worked and why Gus wasn't already there with me.

For dinner, Alaska and I got pizza with potato wedges. It was the best meal I had ever had (even narrowly beating the Amsterdam meal). We had chocolate ice-cream for dessert and it was as if I was.. well, in Heaven! We spent the remainder of the day/evening after decorating our room stocking up the huge book shelves and dancing around to deafeningly loud music. We also spent some time in the garden, just lying around and again, more dancing (since I could, why would I waste it?). It felt so unbelievably amazing to have so much freedom and be able to do so much more than I could before.

But then the night came and the memories came back, and they didn't just float gracefully into my head, they were drilled in by a heavy-handed DIY specialist. I was confused and ashamed and wanted to find him.

"Alaska?" I said softly, as we both lay in the dark, attempting to try and sleep.

"Hmm?" She responded, softly, not turning to face me.

"Do you know _everyone_ here?" I asked, curiously.

"Pretty much. Why?"

"Do you know someone called Augustus Waters?"

Alaska turned to face me now, "Not in our section. But he might be in another one? Who is he?"

"He was my boyfriend. Before he... before he died. And I died. We were sort of meant to be together up here or where ever here is."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I had someone... I died first... never mind. Well I don't know of anyone here by that name but you can always go to Irin and ask her about it. Or Iris. One of them are usually down at the centre running around, doing one thing or another. You'll also get a whole big welcoming visit tomorrow morning from Irin to see how you're settling in and if I'm taking care of you, blah, blah, blah.."

"Right. Okay. Okay, I'll go see them. Yes, okay." I was finding it hard to comprehend everything Alaska had just told me and that I might not get to be with the person I truly loved and wanted to be with. I loved Augustus so much and now I had, had him torn away from me again. It wasn't fair.

Tears began to fall from my eyes, onto the pillow and although I tried to wipe them away, more took their place until I was uncontrollably sobbing like an idiot. I sat up covered my face with my hands. Alaska sat up too and switched on the lamp on her bedside table, illuminating the room. She moved closer to me and placed a hand on my upper arm,

"Hey, it's okay, talk to them. It could all work out and you'll get to see him again. Alternatively, there is a sort of merging day every 3 months where you can wonder freely into the other sectors. It's all so complicated to be honest, I was here to see the old way and although I prefer this catered for everyone individually thing, it was a lot less confusing before." She said soothingly.

I nodded and sniffed, wiping away the last few years that were slowly making their way down my face.

"When is the next merging thing then?" I asked, having now regained some form of composure.

"Not long I don't think. 6 weeks or so. But time works differently up here so Augustus could have been here from your point of view, a month and to him, it would be like a year. Sometimes it works the other way; it's not an exact science. So you have to be prepared for him being a little different. What year was it when you died?"

"2013. Almost 2014." I replied, slightly taken aback by the question. It's not something you get asked everyday.

"Okay so it's been about 8 years since I died but up here, it's been more like 15. I should be 23 now..." Alaska trailed off slightly and looked down for a moment before continuing, "but for the day you've been up here so far, it could already be 2014 down there. See what I mean?"

I nodded. It was a lot to take in and I was still panicking about possibly seeing or not seeing Augustus but I tried to suppress the chaos that was going on in my head at that moment. Instead of saying one of the many things I was desperate to though, I said,

"So you've been here for 15 years? Don't you get bored or something?"

Alaska smiled and began to laugh,

"wow, I just spouted all that information at you and this is what you ask? No, you don't get bored. It's weird. It's like the day before never happened. You remember it happening and you still get to have those experiences but you don't feel like it happened. It's hard to explain. It's like you never get tired of being here because every day is like your first day even though you know its not. You'll see what I mean tomorrow, it's strange."

I nodded in understanding and then lay back down on my bed, I was worn out from all the hysterical (and incredibly embarrassing) crying.

"Goodnight Alaska, thank you for everything." I said, yawning.

Alaska lay down too and switched of the lamp.

"Goodnight Hazel, you are very welcome, it has been a pleasure." She said softly in the darkness.

It didn't take me long to give in to the pull of sleep and drift off. It was a deep sleep and for the first time in months I felt like I was actually resting instead of just hanging in a weird limbo of what was meant to be sleep but never really gave me the release I needed and wanted. It was nice to finally have that release. I was at peace finally. All I needed was Augustus here with me and it would be perfect. I loved him so much and I was going to stop at nothing to get him back to me. I decided that tomorrow was the day I would be reunited with him one way or another and I wouldn't take no for an answer.

* * *

**A/N - Oh my lord, hello I am back. I know it's been like a year since I have posted anything but A LOT has been happening and everything I had written for this had been deleted by the site because I didn't edit it in time and it's been a messed up year. But I promise I am going to try and post again and actually be a good author person this time around, hopefully. Thank you to everyone who has followed and review since I have been on leave because they all mean a lot to me and I read them and it made me come back and actually be bothered to carry this on even most of you have probably lost interest in this by now. Oh well, thank you anyway and I hope you enjoy this chapter and the ones to come. I made up the dates and stuff based on online forums and publishing dates also so if you don't agree with the dates, I'm sorry, they were just guestimates because I kinda want a plot where Alaska gets Pudge back and gets to explain to him what happened and get some of that little cuteness in there and maybe Isaac coming in to it with them so I needed the times to not all add up and be a bit all over the place and stuff. So yes, sorry for leaving and sorry this is so long, I'll shut up now, byeee. **


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